Sunday, October 30, 2011

Relationship With Self...

Relationship with Self

“If you aren't good at loving you, you will have a difficult time loving anyone...”–Barbara De Angelis

I am a self professed serial dater stuck in the honeymoon phase of romantic relationships. The first month of a relationship is the best. The excitement of a phone call,  a first kiss or the anticipation of it becoming sexual makes dating or even marriage worth the effort. Lately I have been considering

exploration beyond the honeymoon phase and venturing into the committed relationship realm.

Most of my married friends tell me to be careful of what you wish for because you just might get it. Recently, I went to see Marsha Ambrosius in concert.  The venue had a cozy romantic ambiance made for lovers.  I wasn’t on a date though.  I was with one of my dearest female friends…  You know,  the girlfriend that you don’t see or talk to everyday, but she is just comfortable to be around.

As we entered the dimly lit lounge, I was overwhelmed by the fact that I wasn’t here with a romantic interest but instead with a girlfriend.  I felt a melancholy way seeing all of the couples at the various tables in the joint.  …Getting tired of the girlfriend trips.  I love my friends but if I have to go to another concert, mini vacation or another wedding with a girlfriend I might scream. My friend that I was with on the other hand was too happy to be on a girlfriend outing. Unlike, me she is married and has been for awhile.  I found myself envious, but not in a hateful way.

The music starts playing and Ms. Ambrosius begins to belt out one of her sultry love-laden songs.  As I perused the room, I noticed that many of the couples didn’t seem happy. Some seemed to be there out of obligation, like maybe there was an argument and the tickets were bought as an apology. Some were coupled off but I read the body language as if only one of them was interested in a romantic way, the man was leaning towards his date as if he were trying to get closer but she sat square, faced forward texting on her phone.  The couple next to me was young very cute.  He had on a wedding ring but she didn’t.  I spent more time singing and dancing with him than she did.  I even saw an elderly white gentleman with a young black woman maybe 30ish and they seemed to be one of the most genuine couples in the crowd. They held hands, talked while looking into each other’s eyes and there was mutual adoration. I can easily say that of all the couples in the crowd, only 25% seemed to be interested in each other.

On the 2-hour ride home from the concert, I asked my friend what is the key to being in a happy committed relationship?  After talking for several minutes about what she was not happy about in her relationship she took a deep breath a long pause and said, “I wish I could have kept a lot of me.” She went into great detail about what she wanted to accomplish and didn’t accomplish, not because she was in a marriage that didn’t allow her too, she said she gave up on her personal desires to be supportive of her husband and family.  I was so disheartened.

That next day I walked around work like a zombie (after a certain age going to bed at 2am and getting up for work at 6am is not a good thing) and one of my coworkers stopped me  in the hallway and announced his retirement. He went on to say that he had been married for 43 years and his wife is sick. I don’t know how the conversation transitioned on to him talking about how selfish he had been in his marriage and if his wife weren’t so grounded in her belief of Christ he didn’t know where he would be. His wife never really worked but she was always active in the church, involved with her children and involved with community activities. Thinking back to the previous conversation with my friend, I asked him what his wife wanted to accomplish before they were married. He said that she only said she wanted to be a good wife, mother and servant of the lord. I asked him overall, what do you think the quality of your marriage is? He stated that he is happy and he thinks his wife is happy. He attests a lot of that to his wife and their belief in God.

The difference between my friend and my coworker’s wife is the expectation in themselves and their marriages. My coworker’s wife accomplished what she set out to accomplish in her marriage. My friend on the other hand sacrificed herself for the needs of her family.  Any relationship whether romantic, work related or just a friendship requires concession and compromise. What do you concede and what do you keep to be your own person?

Personally I think we as women give of ourselves too much too fast. I don’t know if that is a societal expectation or a biological one.  We must first love to love ourselves before we can love another.  I have been in many relationships and now looking back when the relationship wasn’t satisfying it was usually because I wasn’t satisfied within myself, not with the relationship. 

When I think about the love of self, I think about the aircraft safety speech putting the oxygen mask on yourself before trying to help the person next to you. I challenge you to get to know who you are.  Know who you are right now and compare that “who you are” to who you thought you would be at this time in your life. If you are on track, how can you enhance the outlying goal? If you are not on track take a critical assessment of how you feel about not being on track and devise a plan to get back on track.  Your children will grow up and move on.  Your husband or wife will change careers or retire.  What do you want or have for yourself?

Guest Contributor 


Art Credit: I love this painting and would credit it to the amazing artist if I knew who they were. If you know, send me a note and I’ll add it.

Family Thyme


“FAMILY THYME”

With my high paced career, the man of the house commuting back and forth between Philly and Richmond, teenager's social and work schedules, basketball practices, and b-ball games, it is very hard to get in family time.  Life happens, but nothing should get in the way of a family bonding together.  To remedy the shortfall in my household, I had to look for creative ways to spend time with my kids and my lovely other half.  Everyone likes to eat, so cooking Sunday dinner presents the perfect time for us to get together and create magic in the kitchen.  Ladies, its also a great way to turn up the heat between you and a significant other.  Cook a great meal together, share some wine, put on some good slow jams and have a fabulous candle lit dinner.  Try it Al Fresco for added romance.  Okay my imagination is getting the best of me... Back to the family time.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Get Your Denim On!

With this being the first post on fashion, I figured why not kick it off with a DENIM Report, and work our way up! DENIM is one of the many styles from the 70’s that has made a comeback this season! What makes DENIM so fabulous? It can be worn with virtually anything and in any setting… while making various signature or fashion statements. Most importantly, it doesn’t take much to dress it up or down. You can be equally fabulous in a jean dress and stillettos or beach ‘flops and a tank! Accessories with denim?…whew a whole 'nother topic!! But I am definitely going to give you some suggestions on how to turn the heat up on the 2011 Trends of rocking pure DENIM and being sexy with it too!



So who says you can’t be creative in your jean treasures?? DENIM no longer implies boring old blue jeans. Fashionistas everywhere have gotten much more creative. I’ve hopped on the DENIM bandwagon myself, and put together my Fall 2011 DENIM Wishlist.
1. DENIM DRESSES
What to wear with a DENIM dress? Well, you don’t need much. You can throw on some boots or sandals, and maybe a sweater. For fall, try it with a cropped leather jacket and tights. And as always…a mid-waist belt would also add a touch of chic to accentuate your curves!
2. DENIM JACKET
What to wear with a DENIM jacket? A maxi dress, sun dress, kakis, colored DENIM pants or shorts. Of course, wedged heels, or cowboy boots would also be sexy.
3. DENIM TO DYE FOR
Finally!!! My absolute FAV for Fall 2011!! Who would’ve ever imagined that colored DENIM would come back around so soon?? Not to mention how FABULOUS it looks with just about any and everything!! So now the million dollar question is…What to wear with colored DENIM? This is easy…be creative. This Fall, it’s all about COLOR COLOR and more BRIGHT COLORS. My plan has been to collect all colors, and so far, I’ve acquired three (red, teal, and cobalt blue). Let’s take red for example, you can easily rock a cute black (draped) top with it, along with a pair of booties, wedges, a bold necklace, and instead of a traditional handbag, grab an embellished minaudiere to really dress up your colored jeans. You can also try tucking your colored DENIM into your black boots—it totally elongates the leg!
So thats my list!!! Let me know what your favorite DENIM styles are for Fall and Winter!!!

Madame Chic


Friday, October 28, 2011

IBM Hires First Female CEO

On October 26, 2011, IBM announced that Virginia "Ginni" Rommetty would be taking over the role of CEO in January 2012 when the current CEO, Samuel J. Palmisano, retires.  This is a historical moment.  The two largest technology companies will be both headed by powerful women.  In September, amongst drama and mayhem, HP ousted CEO Leo Apotheker and replaced him with Ms. Meg Whitman. The tides are changing in business and industry for women!!  I am really glad that we now have two more women who have broken the glass ceiling on career advancement.  Way to go HP and IBM!  Also, to Ms. Rommetty and Ms. Whitman, my hats off to you!  That's what I call leading from the front!!!

Ms. Me

Women's Misguided Motivation to Increase Fitness


Today I read an article in Whole Living that highlights womens underlying motivations to exercise.  The article titled, "The Dirty Little Secret about Feel Good Work-Outs," discusses a study conducted by motivational psychologist, Michelle Segar, PH.D., of 266 full-time working women.  The study concludes that more women felt motivated to work out for immediate reasons like quick weight loss, stress reduction, social image, or quality of daily life.  When presented with the choice of excercising for healthy aging, women were less likely to fit exercise into their hectic daily schedules.  This study sheds a lot of light on why it is so difficult for women

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Go Get It Girl!


Have you ever wondered how she does it? You know, the one other women (not you, right) refer to as that one, the girl who always has the inside scoop on getting the most posh positions at work, no man troubles, the exciting lifestyle, and always looks great while she is at it...  Do you ever wonder how she gets so lucky?  Well let me tell you, luck has nothing to do with it.  It's about strategy.  Preparing for any moment and being ready when it comes!  No-Excuses!  You want it; you better learn to be a Go-Getter-Girl and go get it!!!  ...And I am going to show you exactly how to do it by leading from the front!!

One of my favorite books out right now is by Atlanta author, Debra Shigley.  Her book is where I get the term Go Getter Girl, GGG for short.  Debra shared her secrets on career success in her book, "Go-Getter Girls Guide: Get What You Want in Work and Life." I believe that women, up-and-coming and established, could use some friendly advice on self-promotion. So go get her book (Debra you owe me for this plug!!)  Ms. Shigley believes that there is a Go-Getter Girl in all of us; we just need to learn to tap into that power.

So, what is a Go-Getter Girl, GGG for short? She is the one that many refer to as that girl, or remove girl and insert expletive, lol. She is smart, resourceful, savvy, fashion forward, and always on top or her game.  We all know her, she may be your friend, co-worker, or someone that you don't know, but you should definitely get to know.  That is why this blog is so important!!  It is a place where we as Go-Getter Girls can gather swap stories, and drop advice and pearls of wisdom on each other in an environment where low self esteem and feelings of inadequacy WILL NOT be tolerated.

In the words of Beyonce Knowles, a true GGG, 'Let's Go Gettem'!  

TLJ's top 5 tips on being a GGG

1. GGG's lead from the front.  She doesn't worry about what others are doing unless they can be positive motivators for her success.  Not to say that she is selfish, but rather in tune with what she needs to succeed and if you can't get with that, you will get left behind.
2. GGG's have people.  You absolutely must expand your circle and learn how to schmooze a lot.  Remember the strategy is success!  The most valuable education is self-education, according to Debra Shigley.  I agree.  I must add that having a mentor and positive role models is just as valuable.  If you don't have one, hell, I'll volunteer to be yours!!!
3. GGG's build wardrobes.  Learn how to dress for success.  My motto has always been, in business, don't dress for your current position, dress for the next position up!  If you aspire to be an executive, then dress like you are already one.  This builds your confidence, but also makes you stand out!!  Be fabulous when being fabulous counts.
4. GGG's know how to get what they want.  Learn the value of negotiation.  It doesn't matter if you are buying knick-knacks from the local five & dime, negotiate the terms of what you want.  The art of negotiation is to always look for a win-win for you and the other party.  That will significantly boost your success rate in getting what you want out of the deal without making the other party feel cheated.
5. GGG's are fit and fabulous.  Notice I said fit, not skinny, not athletic, but fit!!  That means you have to know how to do what is right and healthy for you!! Now I will say that a part of being fit requires some form of mind, body and soul exercising.  All three of these together, keep your stress levels low and your self-image high!!  If you feel good about YOU, others will too.  Don't be afraid to let your light shine!!

            Okay, you now have your basic starter kit for getting what you want out of life, but now I want to hear from you.  What do you think a GGG is and what tip can you give an up and coming Go Getter?  Also, shout out someone who you believe is a GGG and share this post and your shout out with them!

Ms. Me

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Cooking With Love

I love good food!!!!  One of my favorite pass times is to seek out new diners, dives, local joints, pubs and any where that serves good food and ale (okay I am more of a Martini/Cosmo girl but it sounds good anyway)....  So with regret, I must say, my new city, Richmond, VA is a little short on the GOOD EATS!!!  Me and the love of my life have traveled up and down the cobbled, colonial streets in search of trendy, romantic, or fun spots to get our bellies full and have been greeted with poor customer service, less than lacking ambiance, and worst of all bland, tasteless food!!!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Introducing ... The Lipstick Journal


Hello out there my fellow Lipstick Wearers,

The Lipstick Journal is an insightful place for women to gather and share empowering tips on being a Go-Getter Girl. Here, we discuss issues important to women who are dedicated to self empowerment at work and at home. Such topics as carrying yourself professionally in the work place, how to get ahead in your career and home life, finances, fashion tips, healthy living tips, and much much more will be discussed. This is going to be fun and I cannot wait to hear from you!!! Be sure to leave a comment below to leave feedback or suggest posting ideas that are important to you!!!

Sincerely Yours,







Ms. Me