Whether You Think You Can or Think You Can't, Either Way, You're Right

In relationships today, be they personal, professional or romantic, confidence can do 50% of your work for you.  Self confidence is the key to success.   It has often been said that 70% of what you communicate is non-verbal.  So what are you saying about yourself before you even utter a word?  

Picture yourself walking into your boss’s office… Oh, you are the boss? Okay well, picture yourself walking up to a complete stranger that you are attracted to.  How do you look? What message do you communicate the moment you walk into the room? What are your eyes, hands and shoulders saying?
What information can people gather about you before you ever say a word? Never thought about it? You should!  

Many people are born with self confidence, but it most certainly can be learned.  Many of my friends today would out right laugh in my face if I told them that I was once a very shy, timid, mouse of a girl.  My self-confidence was so low that even when I knew I did a great job on something, I second guessed myself into being a total wreck.  I was too shy to speak
out about anything that I believed in and usually just went with the status quo to not make any waves.  I was content to take the back seat and be overshadowed by more outgoing, confident children.  Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, Either way, you’re right.

As I got older, I felt an inner need to be heard.  I realized that I was smart, and funny, and had something to say.  I longed to find my voice and I DID!!! Most of my learning came from watching others that I thought exuded confidence.  There were always certain things that all of these people did in common.  That is what self-confidence is all about, the belief that you can do what needs to be done, so that you can succeed. 

Here are 10 tips to adjust your body language so that you can be more confident.

10. Avoid your pockets

The first tip on the list is to keep your hands out of your pockets. We put our hands in our pockets when we’re uncomfortable or unsure of ourselves.  That’s how other people will view you.  Instinctually we tend to hide our hands when we’re nervous; keeping your hands out in the open indicates confidence and shows people you have nothing to hide.9. Stop fidgeting

Fidgeting is a clear sign of nervousness.  A woman, who can’t keep still, is a woman who is worried.  Your hands can be your worst enemies -- keep them steady. You can definitely talk with your hands, but keep your gesticulations calm and under control.

8. Keep your eyes forward

Keeping your eyes level is tough. When you’re walking anywhere by yourself, it often feels natural to lower your head slightly and watch your step, but this posture communicates to others that you don’t want to engage in conversation.  Keep your chin up and your eyes forward, even when you’re walking down the street by yourself.

7. Stand up straight / Shoulders back

Standing up straight exudes confidence.  It can be a challenge especially if you’ve been a sloucher all your life, but get over it. This is perhaps the most important means of communicating confidence.

6. Take wide steps

A confident woman will never be described as “scurrying,” “creeping” or “sneaking”!!  Pay attention to the way you walk. If you want to show confidence, take large steps. Wide steps make you seem purposeful and suggest a personal tranquility- a common trait of confident people.5. Firm handshakes

There are few things worse than reaching out your hand during an introduction and getting a limp wet handshake.  The finger shake is the worst and is borderline disrespectful and stand-offish in my opinion.  Don’t be that girl. Instead, grip the other person’s hand firmly and confidently.

4. Proper grooming

Grooming is an essential component of communicating confidence.  You want your hair, face and even your smell to work for you, not against you.

3. Smile

Confident people smile because they have nothing to worry about. Try this as an experiment: smile at someone as you pass them on the street or walking around the office. Chances are good that they’ll smile back. Now wouldn’t you like to have that effect on people all the time?

2. Don’t cross your arms when socializing

Crossing your arms is a protective posture.  We do it when we’re cold, nervous or on guard. Your job is to look likeable, open and confident. So relax a little and keep your arms uncrossed.

1. Use contact to show appreciation

Don’t be afraid to pat a buddy or a colleague on the back when he or she delivers a job well done.  Most people will likely be appreciative of your sign of affection and respect.  Showing appreciation for someone else’s good fortune or great work is the ultimate sign of self confidence.


As always, I want to hear from you!!  How do you get your confidence level up in times when self-confidence will get you through a tough situation.


Ms. Me